As time marches on, I've been struggling with the issue of finding myself all over again.
You'd think by now I'd have found myself, and I did. However, life changes, and I have to change with it.
I found myself in college as a young budding adult figuring out my major, finding friends, and living life on my own. I found myself as a young adult in my 20s, newly married, starting my career, and budgeting for a future.
When I had children, I found myself being mom, the caretaker and nurturer. Then I kept having more children and babies. Six and a half years later, my oldest boys are no longer toddlers but little boys. And I have two toddlers at home, no babies. No one constantly needing me to feed them, hold them, and rock them 24 hours a day.
Which means I have a teeny tiny bit of free time!
So I took a hard look at myself. I saw that I'm evolving and growing again. I'm not always mom and wife. So where do I stand now?
Sometimes I feel as though I've given so much of myself to my kids, I lost a part of me along the way.
Where do I go from here?
I'm going on a journey to find my way to the new evolving me
Because let's face, I can't exactly go back to my 20s, before children. Nor am I going to choose to go back to baby making. That phase is definitively over.
My journey began this past September when I started having 9 whole hours a week to myself. I sat down and cried thinking no one is going to need me again. After I had my small pity party, I wiped away the tears and truly asked myself, "What now? What do I want to do? What will help me grow? What will bring me back to feeling me again?"
At the time, I had no definite answers to these questions and still don't. I did, however, know of one thing I could do, and Andrew (my awesome husband) knew it before I did. He signed me up to start taking Tae Kwon Do classes again.
I started Tae Kwon Do when I was 10 and studied it for 8 years before going off to college. I always wanted to pass the love for my sport down to my kids, so I found a place and signed the oldest two up over the summer. They love it, but there was a longing for me to be a part of it as well. My husband could see it, and the Master of the Do Jang could see it too. So Andrew just up and signed me up at the end of August and told me to go back.
And I did and love it!
I've allowed myself to reopen the door that never fully closed on me. My love for a sport I studied for 8 years in childhood. It was rough at the beginning. Lots of sore muscles, relearning techniques and forms, and feeling old in a room full of teenagers. But I persevered. It's awesome doing something for me and being able to share it with my kids is a huge bonus.
Part 1 of my journey is in motion. I'm training and should be testing for my 3rd Dan Black Belt in one year.
As other parts of my self discovery present themselves, I will try to embrace it. This will be an ongoing journey of finding me, and I'm looking forward to it.
This is Part 1 of I don't know how many parts. I wanted to share a part of myself with you. I'm going to be writing on various topics and my photography will play a huge part in this self discovery. I hope you will continue on this journey with me. Thank you!